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stop lubricating him

Saturday, 30 June 2007 by ranon

i woke up at 7.15 this morning reluctantly to head down to the immigration authority to make my new biometric passport, thanks to a certain someone's nagging and insistence that the queue would be ridiculous on a bright and early saturday morning. weren't we ALL surprised to be done in like TEN MINUTES. haha. thank you chew ah, for dragging me out at some unearthly hour.

headed down to city hall to grab a bite coz there was nowhere to eat in sad lavander. that was when i made a big fool of myself by insisting that raffles city was at raffles place and refused to alight at city hall, telling chew adamantly that it was the wrong stop. what an idiot. haha. so we had breakfast at burger king before heading to junction 8 on the spur of a moment to catch transformers. and this was when chew decided to embarass both of us in front of the ticketing lady. she asked what kinda seats we wanted, and without a second thought, chew loudly proclaimed "couple seats!". the look on her face was priceless. haha. that was damn funny lar. felt like slapping him silly that dumb ass.

and so the movie started and i had to say i was pretty skeptical before watching it coz i felt that certain cartoons have to remain cartoons, and transformers was one of them, no matter how 2 dimensional or boxy they were then. these were cartoons from days of yore, of a childhood dream that could have been shattered by modern technology and cgi animation in this modern remake. like what max said, imagine the simpsons filmed into a real life 3D film. what's gonna happen to marge's hair? so yes, i went into the theatre apprehensive and unsure of what to expect, fuelled only by a curiosity sparked by raving reviews from friends who've watched it.

and i was indeed pleasantly and thoroughly enthralled throughout the movie. the cinematography was excellent, and the humour and action was well balanced out. the scenes were planned out perfectly and the fight scenes were well executed. and bumble bee was the coolest character in the show, though optimus prime lacked the grandeur and punch coz his huge container trailer was missing. megatron was sorely disappointing but still, was a good movie. the underlying tones of patriotism and freedom did not go unnoticed.

"freedom is the right of all sentient beings". we all fight to survive, and most importantly, to preserve and fiercely protect our god given freedom. the autobots fought to preserve the freedom of another race, the human race. the whole notion of war belies the human greed and the human capacity for love. two opposing beliefs spurred on by the the strongest passion cannot be challenged. so yes, we applaud both the autobots and decepticons for their faith and unrelentless pursuit of their one single goal, be it for a noble, or less than noble, cause.

and it is this passion and fury that should drive everyone single person who is in the service of the armed forces and the nation. ok, i shall not delve into serious issues, but yes, transformers was one helluva movie. so now i'm home and i just switched on the telly to see some really really old show on channel 8. it's so damn retro and it's probably an early 1980s drama serial about ns. haha. it's like army daze, but so unbelievably old! the uniform was still all olive green, without camou prints. and the gay guy is still damn funny. haha.

ok. options for tonight are still open. dinner with kelvin or denzil. maybe both. but yes. headed back to camp coz the sweep's damn early tmr. botak jones! haha

it's a friday

by ranon

today, i learnt that if you have two queues forming in front of two different atm machines, you should join the queue with the guys coz they have this uncanny ability of pressing the buttons faster. haha. the queues with the aunties tend to take longer, for whatever reason i cannot fathom, but can only suggest that they take that long due to their inability to scan the screen that quickly, or being the stingy and delusional singaporean auntie (bad combination), think that by staring at their account balance will somehow add a few more zeros to that amount. i'd choose to believe the latter. haha.

ok. people are so gonna kill me for that. haha, also, after watching harry potter last night, i learnt of another thing, young pretty girls, like emma watson, will grow up to be very pretty hot babes. young ugly boys, like daniel radcliffe, will grow up to look, pretty much the same. haha. shit. no wonder i look like shit. haha.

i saw lightning flashes across the sky a million times today, and i was out in the open. and i felt vulnerable for that one moment. the countless streaks of lightning was a sign of the destructive power of mother nature. it was also interesting to see the cluster of umbrellas gathering together across the road. the greens and yellows and reds were a splatter, set against the canvas of a bleak grey evening sky. that was a sign of life and hope, of selfless love and protection, especially since mothers were sheltering their kids after they were let off from school. it was nice, despite the rain peltering down.

ah. and i'm flying off on sunday night, but i've a sweep in the morning! bloody hell. haha. so there goes my plans for botak jones and island creamery. the things i give up for my nation.

so i'll leave you guys with photos from wednesday night, courtesy of cass who has so kindly uploaded them up for me to rip. haha.

how cute.

chew seduced me. i'm the victim.

snigger snigger.

the last four standing.

one for the night!

the samboca. mouth on fire.

walking on sunshine

Friday, 29 June 2007 by ranon

last night was mambo. ok, maybe more of phuture than mambo. bumped into qian and cass at far east before taking a bus down to zouk. met chew and claud and after that, max. had the usual bout of drinks. the long island tea was extremely potent and bitter. and max's brother was there too, and they look uncannily alike. haha. don't really have much to say about last night. pretty normal, save for the fact that poor denzil was away at bomb call and he appeared on tv. i was thus entrusted the enormous and noble responsibility of looking after his dear girl, which i did perfectly well. haha. only grouse was that we should have stayed longer at mambo!! the gatsby song got everyone so so so high. haha. went to spize after that and the only thing that i could down was the longan drink thing. think i fell asleep at the table for a while.

oh yes. i had dinner at ichiban boshi with dingwen and jie wei. food was quite good in fact. i'm rekindling the love for chawanmushi. haha. had the katsudon with cheese and whoever came up with the combination's a genius. wonderful fusion of east and west that spelt gatronomical delight.

i think i'm starting to lose interest in this whole clubbing thing. it's kinda draining and somehow, after so long, you just lose the drive to go party and lose yourself to the music and dance. it used to be self-fulfilling entertainment that took me on joyrides, no matter how temporary it was. yet now there's just no eager anticipation to a night out with friends. too much of a good thing can become a bad thing i guess. perhaps brunei will serve as a a temporary reprieve from this life i lead now, throwing myself into the wilderness and leting the primitive me take over. haha. though it is still debatable whether i behave like an animal in clubs and in everyday life. so yes. back to the jungles of brunei in 4 days!

the protectee. cass.

the reserved. claud.

the mambo queen. qian.

men of the night. haha.

and in memory of denzil who was away on official duty, saving the nation from relics of old.

in case you were wondering, i snapped these photos of my tv screen when the news bulletin was on. haha. how retarded. i know you love the photos cass. denzil too. haha


Wednesday, 27 June 2007 by ranon

ok. i saw this on ben's blog and thought it was hilarious to no end. pokes fun at the very organisation i've signed my life to, but of course, all in jest. have a good laugh coz i know i did. haha

reading reading

by ranon

ok. i've been hard at work since i came back and have been faithfully reading up the zionist movement that eventually culminated in the israeli-palestinian conflict now.

its history is so rich of full of excitement and simply complements what we read in the news these days. i mean, the fight for a separate jewish nation in the Land of Israel was the bread and butter of the zionist movement, and has been fought since 1200 BCE. it was intensified and evolved into a political movement with the great exodus and persecution of jews all over the world, in spain in the 1500s and even more recently, the german holocaust during world war two.

they achieved their goal in 1948 when israel was recognised as an independent nation. yet, the zionist celebration was marred by the arab-israeli war that emerged almost simultaneously, a war launched by israel's neighbouring nations - egypt syria and lebanon. another 6 day war resulted in the successful acquisition of the gaza strip, the west bank and the golan heights from israel's advesaries, and served to expand their land for the zionist ideal of aliyah, an immigration and return of jews from their jewish diaspora, back to a nation they can call home.

yet, the issue of palestine arose because israel occupied part of it and the arab palestinians saw it as a compromise and a violation to their right and freedom of a land that they've owned for many years prior to the formation of an independent jewish state. the palestinian authority was thus set up to look into the domestic and political affairs of the arab palestine and this i believe, is the crux of the middle eastern crisis, that has seen too much bloodshed, other than in iraq. the lack of a one strong faith and belief in one singular party in palestine discredits their authority and power and an area that requires a powerful authority to end the conflict. with two conflicting parties in the form of hamas and fatah, their differences are almost irreconciliable. yaseer arafat recognised the credibility of israel, yet with his passing, the new pa under the strong influence of hamas has strongly refuted this notion and have abstained from the road map for peace.

israel has consistently made an effort to drive the two nations towards a peaceful settlement, yet the irresolute pa can never seem to come to terms with what has been proposed, even after israel ordering a peaceful jewish pull out of the gaza strip and handing it over to the palestinian authority. the ironic thing now is, the palestinians are fighting amongst themselves, in the gaza strip. what began with an unified effort to fight for a bigger palestinian state, where the right of return was to be granted to almost 4 million expelled palestinians, have evolved into an internal strife between two distinctly different parties in the pa. it is thus understandable why the israelis are hesitant about releasing jewish communities in the west bank to the palestinians. i mean afterall, the west bank offers a geographical advantage because of its high ground. qassam rockets being fired by the palestinians into israel, barely a year after being ceded the gaza strip, has increased greatly and this underscores the ambitious nature of the palestinian authority. who is to say that after pulling out jewish troops and civilians out of palestine and the west bank, the pa will not launch a full scale attack on israel?

and it's precisely these intriguing details of the global political climate that makes me believe that i wanna do what i'm gonna do in uni. all i can offer now are mere, and almost simplistic inferrences of the israeli-palestinian conflict, where there is still so much more to explore. the multi dimensional facets of war and conflict, and of race and religion are areas that are crucial to the study of the middle eastern conflict.

and there's the iraq war and the increasing insurgency. i was reading this time magazine article yesterday about an interview with one of the jihad's top bomb maker in iraq, and i was disturbed to read that he demonstrated to the reporter how he managed to overcome the power of radio frequency jammers. it was reported that he challenged all 4 reporters present to turn on their phones as he switched on a jammer, and all their phones showed no bars in the reception column. and he triumphantly produced his phone to show full strength.

now that's a cause to worry about.

washed up

by ranon

lets see where to begin. so sunday was mahjong at cass' house. and since we had two very very new and inexperienced players amongst us, most of the time was spent teaching them how to play. and denzil did a pretty good job picking it up coz he managed to win a couple of rounds. and taking into consideration it was his first time physically touching the tiles, they decided to not play with money, which was met with vehement objections from me since i ended up winning 10 bucks. haha. we headed to chomp chomp for dinner and boy were we stuffing our faces with food. the weight was just piling up. so the next makan session has been set for this sunday at island creamery and botak jones coz i'm flying off to brunei on sunday night and and i need my creature comforts before i starve on mount biang, surviving on dreaded combat rations.

monday wasn't at all spectacular. one of the worst sweeps ever that totally irked the hell out of me. i was so utterly pissed i had, and still have, no words to describe it. so anyhow, today i headed down to safti to send in my duffel bag for brunei, as well as to brief the new engineer cadets on what to expect. so we greeted them the engineer way and i knocked them down. haha. it was a warm welcome to the formation and there's a white horse! chief engineer's nephew's amongst the new cadets. haha. so yes. i'm officially flying off on sunday night and will be gone till the 11th. miss the smell of grass and the feeling of caked mud in my face. think i'm gonna totally enjoy socjot. haha. totally.

i just ripped some photos off wei liang's facebook account taken during acpc and comms parade. and i couldn't help but realise how much i missed those days. ok, my face was damn fat back then lar, but that's not the point. point is, i miss cadet days. like what kevin said to the cadets just now, they might think that life as an officer rocks, but the fact is the grass is not always greener on the other side. ok, so you get the nights out and the relaxation of the strict rules and regulations, but the responsibility that comes with that one black bar weighs heavily on your shoulder the moment you don the epaulette. i miss being a cadet for the fact that i had the greatest company around me. and the field camps where you just had to walk and do endless, and sometimes brainless, menial labour, but it was the experiences that made it so much fun. i mean, how often do you get the chance to walk through padi fields and villages in thailand and watch your fellow friends close their eyes and let instinct lead them along the way. memories from my cadet days go way back and they're something that stick with you for life.

the people made the greatest difference. there were my buddies, nic yap in delta and cj in eti, who both had to endure the troubles of waking me up in the morning. and there were bestest friends like jun ren who went through eti and thailand and ocs again together, who had to deal with my endless nonsense. we were actually dreaming of eating thai express, in thailand. haha. and who could forget the endless bargaining with the canteen auntie and at the shopping centres. then there were people like chris who walked the whole of beaver venture with me dreaming of ben and jerry's. and my clubbing buddy denzil, who still is, my clubbing buddy. then there were others like weiliang dex jet fahyik heng who were just there to fool around with, to complain with, and to push each other. so yes, life as a cadet rocked. no one could ask for more.

ironic isn't it? how we looked forward to commissioning when we were cadets, and now as officers, how we yearn to be cadets once more. the people define the experience and they forge the ties that can never be understood by outsiders. so yes. i'm proud to have gone through the whole 9 months, and survived to tell the tale.

so cheers to us! :)


the wedding

Sunday, 24 June 2007 by ranon

i just had to put this picture up first, to show the world why i want a military wedding. and that was taken outside the restaurant at clarke quay, in the middle of the walkway where everyone just stopped and stared. totally attention seeking. tourists stopped to ask what was happening. we all felt like stars, albeit feeling a lil awkward too.

so i reached the restaurant at around 4 for the rehearsal. everyone was hyped up, especially the groom. the excitement was bristling in the air and it was going all around. so we did a few rehearsals with the restaurant crew staring agape. then we changed into our number ones and started the long and tedious wait till the start of the dinner. of course there was the massive photo whoring coz denzil and i had our camera phones! special thanks to bobo who helped with the photo taking when we were all caught up with the rehearsals and ceremony.

and the food was good. there was the usual free flow of alcohol. haha. the beer was exceptionally sweet, apparently it's an in-house special brew and it was so much better than lao hu beer. then there was wine. and i had to help the groom drink the half glass of cordon bleu coz he couldn't take it anymore. haha. even the bride was damn garang lar. she could hold her liquor pretty well, i think much better than my boss lar. haha. and we were sitting at the same table as major ong! for the uninitiated, he was my oc at eti during my cadet days and he was, and still is, one of the most feared man around. but then again, he's one man whom i respect alot for his knowledge and skills. it was stressful at the beginning being at the same table as the eti instructors but it didn't turn out that bad, though conversation was a lil contrived.

so after the dinner, we went partying. even pk went! haha. so it was chew marcus peter pk and me! but the crowd and music sucked. totally. but marcus made us drink somemore, something called samboca. you basically pour half a shot of it into your mouth while someone else lights it up using a lighter, and your mouth goes ablaze! haha. i had three half-shots lar. it tasted like mouth wash and chew said it was absinthe but i didn't see the green fairies! left damn early coz we were all damn bored. i'm sticking to zouk and phuture from now on.

ok. my brain's not exactly working properly so i'll let the photos do the talking. i think they easily convey how it was yesterday. my head's aching and there's mahjong at cass' house in 3 hours time. ahh.

the early birds with the eager groom.

getting ready with the buddy.

the arch.

all ready with denzil.

platoon 3. hoo-ya! (and i lost my ippt badge. shit)


yet another rck shot.

the young ones of platoon 3.

all outside mos. what's with the kiss chew.

the older dudes. also the regulars.

the younger dudes. only one regular.

chew chew.

andre the chee ko peh. i feel violated. very violated. haha.

ok. there should be more photos from calvin and denzil. no photos from the ceremony in my phone so i'll post them when i get them. haha.


mambo high

Saturday, 23 June 2007 by ranon

ok. the entry is titled as such because i've just downloaded tons of mambo songs and i'm dying of an overdose. my mum stepped in a little while back while "call me" was playing and i swear i saw her dance to it for that one moment. haha. she thinks it's a phase i'm going through and she's pretty much amused and tickled when i demonstrated to her what marcus taught me that day in the ops room. haha. the silly hand actions have actually found a way into my heart, as ridiculous as it may be. haha.

ok. so now i'm downloading love songs for the wedding tmr. they're using my laptop for the pictures slideshow, i think, so i'm like hunting down sappy love songs to make your hair stand on end. haha. n'sync's this i promise you is playing now. it's damn sweet, but so old. haha. and there's i do by 98 degrees. oh my god. dying of a sugar rush soon. so yes. hope the wedding goes wonderful tmr. and i think shania twaine's from this moment is one the loveliest songs to be played at a wedding. it's an uber sweet song that has somehow become a permanent fixture at weddings. i know it'll be at mine.

there was the sword bearers' rehearsal today. i never knew the sword was so heavy. haha. and having to angle it so that it forms an arch is seriously one helluva job. but yes, haha. it's pretty fun. and having to walk in step at the end's pretty hard but it'll work out fine with more rehearsals tmr. my first military wedding. how exciting. lotsa pictures coming!

and on the subject of songs and all, i think i've told people what kinda music i want played at my funeral. haha. there's going to be no 'cling-clang-bang' nonsense. so no old player regurgitating the same sutra out over and over again. instead, the music will come from my own playlist. we'll have like hip hop and rnb and all those nonsense. yes. people will not cry at my funeral, but will remember me for the fun i had, for the fun we had together. and now, we can add to the list mambo songs! haha. and no one's to wear black to the wedding. it's gonna be a celebration and a party, so whoever's reading this, please remember k? haha. and there'll be mahjong aplenty for everyone! haha.

ok. enough of the morbid talk. it's a celebration of love tmr! although it's gonna be weird having to watch my boss be all lovey dovey with his wife. haha. just not right. but yes, what the hell. it's a wedding dinner. a military wedding at that. and those who know me well enough know that it's been a dream to have one for myself. 6 more years. i'll be married by 26, and have my first kid at 28. haha. work harder ranon!

and this is very random, but i think the whole platoon's in love with the gatsby advert song. haha. the one with takuya kimura twirling his hair and prancing about. i managed to pull of a close enough impersonation at the mess 2 nights ago. haha.

well last night was sweet enough. hee. i'm like loopy and high and just simply happy. yet, the spaces in between cannot be ignored. so with this bliss comes a lil ambivalence, a lil confusion and a lil uncertainty. there's no where to move forward to coz it's all but a mere bleak and hazy region, an area acknowledged by both parties. yet, living in the moment, though transient and temporal, brings a dizzying happiness and content. haha. so i think it's only best that i leave it as it is. happy thoughts fill my mind.


shyness and embarassment takes over.


the end.

discovering von clausewitz

Wednesday, 20 June 2007 by ranon

in lieu with the fact that i'm heading back to school in about 4 months time, i've decided i should start reading up and preparing for uni. so i'm starting off with german war philosopher karl von clausewitz, whose masterpiece On War is a must read for military leaders all over. it's comparabe to sun-tzu's Art of War but unlike the chinese strategist, clausewitz provides the philosophy, the strategies, the theory, the nature, the tangible and intangible. he examines the conduct of war, from the attack to defence in a theatre of war. he then goes in depth to discuss the tactical warfare in very specific regions, in mountains, swamps, streams, rivers and forests. what makes him one of the greatest miltary strategist to date is that his works and school of thought, developed in the early 1800s, actually translates itself into the modern world now. he looks into the relationship between the infantry, cavalry and artillery. marches are looked into and the establishment of a base of operations and lines of comms are evaluated. i'm sure military people see the link! so yes, to tie in my course of study with my chosen profession, clausewitz serves as platform to bring the military into politics and philosophy.

haha. ok. i'm sounding too serious. taking a break from my reading. i had to stop, i mean, i've reached a point in the text where i can no longer make out what he's trying to say. try this:

"If war ended in a single solution, or a number of simultaneous ones, then naturally all the preparations for the same would have a tendency to the extreme, for an omission could not in any way be repaired; the utmost, then, that the world of reality could furnish as a guide for us would be the preparations of the enemy, as far as they are known to us; all the rest would fall into the domain of the abstract. But if the result is made up from several successive acts, then naturally that which precedes with all its phases may be taken as a measure for that which will follow, and in this manner the world of reality here again takes the place of the abstract, and thus modifies the effort towards the extreme"

ok. i know what's the extreme and the abstract, but i've no idea where this is heading. plus you've to take into consideration that this is an english translation from the original german text. it's making me develop an acute pain in the head. haha. i need to get back into the mood of studying.

anyway, i managed to catch ocean's thirteen with daniel and his friend at century square yesterday after we were done in camp. wasn't that nice or exciting as the original. like we agreed, this year's summer blockbusters didn't really live up to their hype, save for spiderman. ocean was a lil tacky, the jokes were tried and tested and overused. like the poor guy who was actually the guy grading the hotel, what with the bed lice and all. the ruse wasn't that fantastical as the first one, although the chinese man was hilarious. yen's the name. haha. and this time round, the robbery was pretty crude, the helicopter lifting the whole vault away. what happened to the slickness of sneaking out the stuff right under your nose, like they did with the swat team impersonation in ocean's eleven.

today was gym in the morning before heading to nee soon in the afternoon to re-take the stupid tsr test for socjot. the computer's screwed i tell you. i followed the standard answer key to the last dot and i kept getting 87%! the passing criteria's 90. so i did it consecutively for 6 times while heng passed at his second try, following the same exact answer key! exasperated, i went to heng's computer and followed the answer key and i passed! i mean like, what the hell. haha. what the hell. now i know the answers like the back of my hand.

each soldier must have 2 litres of water with him when's he's outfield training.

water parade 2 hours before sleeping.

water parade 1 hour before training.

7 hours of absolute rest the night before.

anti-malria pills must be taken when training in tekong.

and other stuff which i don't think can be said here. haha.

and so i'm home. reading. and i came across some newspaper article at the newstand on my way home, and the headlines screamed about how people were speculating what 4D numbers to buy after christopher lee was sentenced to jail for drink driving and for driving off from the scene of crime after knocking some poor guy down. i don't understand the media and the public's major reaction over this. i mean, hello, he's just a normal guy who happens to be in the profession of acting. nobody's worried about the poor guy who got knocked down, or the irrevocable repercussions that may arise from the accident. and he's even thinking of writing a book after he's out of jail. the bugger's capitalising on his sorry state and i cannot but somehow see it as a pathetic attempt to bring himself back into the limelight. think of him for the crime he has committed, and not for the fact that he's a celebrity heading behind bars. paris hilton's arrest has been capitalised in every possible way by the media and even television production studios to record her life in prison. the simple life. definitely. she even had her lawyer lay down the terms of treatment and how she should be accommodated. and now she's placed under house arrest instead. well done. people are just such media whores. and the public who find such news indelible seriously, need to re-evaluate their lives pronto.

ok. i'm ranting. so i'm obviously bored. we need to find mahjong kakis for sunday. it's a session at cass' house. time to initiate denzil into the world of a 4 sided table with nice white tiles and chips. fine. not everyone's tiles are white. but yes. mine are. haha. ok. you get the idea.

now back to reading. i'm only at his first book and there are like a million more chapters and books to clear.


Monday, 18 June 2007 by ranon

sunday's a wonderful time to just plant your ass down at home and not budge, while you feel your body and brains melt and blend into the ground or sofa or bed, wherever you may be. haha. it's a day which can be loosely termed as nuah. haha.

i heard the funniest thing on tv this morning. "you can't soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys". it actually makes quite a bit of sense, but at the same time it sounds as if the blame was being pushed about. you can be who you are no matter who you're surrounded by. you determine how you want your life to turn out, and you determine how high you wanna fly and you don't let the incapable pull you down. that's what i'm trying to tell steph who's wishing she was born with a dick coz guys she know are totally screwed and they're impeding her movement. she finds them unfathomable and wishes that she has the magic stick to show her the light, to make her understand our kind. my kind actually.

anw, i'm back from dinner at newton circus with my parents. had alot to eat, and i looked all about me and realised that i was gonna be missing all these in the uk. no more smoky and greasy open air hawker centre, with the aunties and uncles vying for your attention to patronise only their store, the stacks and stacks of sugar cane placed outside the drink store, and they'll ask you "lemon?" when you order from them. then there's the over enthusiastic and totally hyper man in clogs who runs to deliver food to waiting customers. it's these little nuances that makes life so singaporean and authentic, and no amount of chinatown or little singapore in uk can ever replicate. i mean afterall, it IS a replica and it will never be the real thing. so yes. i'll miss singapore.

and i'm all excited over thursday. it's this fluttering feeling that's stirring deep down inside. an excitement at the prospect of doing something that hasn't been done in a while. my heart's still recovering from the audacity and magnitude of my actions yesterday. but it has been done and it was a yes. i have a propensity to get all excited and hyped over the smallest things, but this, i assure you, is something worth celebrating. a swooning of hearts, and chirpy lightheadedness, i feel like i could live on the sweetest honeysuckle and ride the roughest sugar rush. it's like watching ballerina twins twirling and executing precise pirouettes, tip toeing across the darkest night, dazzling the world with their charm and their glitzy glitter and glamour, as though they had become the stars intoxicating the world with their subtle beauty and grace. sizzling and heartwarming all at the same time. oooh. it's a feeling unheard of in a long time and i'm loving every moment of it.

someone keep me grounded before i start flying with the ballerinas.

p.s it's not you cass. i know you're one, but you're not THE ballerina. hahahaha.

tears and rain

Saturday, 16 June 2007 by ranon

i officially suck at mahjong. i just lost 9 bucks playing mahjong at chew's house. so he's sitting next to me at the other computer doing his theory test thing and i'm sitting here listening to his sappy love ballads play while i blog. tears and rain's probably like the sweetest song there is lar.

and this morning was supposed to be dragon boating at kallang as part of the unit's aniversary celebration, but the rain poured and refused to relent so we had to shelve the plans and head to the restaurant for some taiwan porridge thing for lunch. not exactly palatable but manageable.

we finally booked our tickets to thailand! haha. and i pigged out on like 3 quarters of a tub of ben and jerry's strawberry cheescake ice cream here at chew's place. it's gonna take me on guilt trip the next few days lar. and uncaring and selfish chew has offered me only a corner of his NEW AND BIG bed tonight. bitch. and he happily sniggered at the fact that i'm now trapped in his house with no where to run to. haha. i feel violated.

DO duty tmr. hate having to crawl back so early in the morning. anyway, this entry's been pretty random. can't seem to get my attention focused on something. anything.

jonathan once said that i lead a decadent life. i don't know how much of it is true. he says my life right now's pretty much about partying and drinking and the occasional mahjong session. and surprisingly, this has translated itself into what really happened in the last 3 days. i don't know if it's good thing or a mere pathetic excuse to keep my life moving. it's hedonistic as andre puts it, but i choose to see myself more as an epicurist, enjoying the finer things in life and just taking a step back from what i've been doing the last 10 odd years of my life. mugging. i mean i'm gonna be spending the next 3 years of my life as a subject of intensive studying. i think i deserve this break. i'm not trying to find a justification for my morally misplaced life, as i would like to term it, but instead, i'm seeing it as a phase of life that i'm going through. it's the prime of my youth and i don't wanna spend it doing the safest and most routine of things. the most predictable and least satisfying. plus i'm doing all these amidst the bestest company one could ask for, and it's them whom i'm gonna miss most when i'm in the uk. so yes. i've no regrets doing what i'm doing. that's what life's about i guess. i'm 20 and living it up! haha.

i'm falling asleep. we're sending simultaneous and exact messages to andre online. haha. i think we're retarded.

a state of unknown

Friday, 15 June 2007 by ranon

so i'm back home after what was supposed to be a celebration to bid farewell to cpt alex's bachelorhood as he got married next week. today was supposed to be platoon off and cohesion as we all headed to the much awaited LS ktv lounge. it's located at tanjong katong road, how sleazy the name was. and contrary to what we all expected, it wasn't all that sleazy with all the girls. we basically had a room and any chick that offered to enter and keep us company was rejected by our fierce and non-compromising demeanour. haha. there was an endless supply of beer thanks to warrant eric and i think the enlistees were dying in the copious amount of beer that was made available to us.

so yes, we were basically singing our guts out and it was really quite fun, considering how we were made ignorant of what we all had and the situation we were all in. the singing was incessant and we couldn't stop ourselves. we were entertaining ourselves with songs from backstreet boys, westlife and some chinese songs. and surprisingly, i could make myself go along with chinese songs that i've never heard before. songs by jay chou and lin jun jie. never did i expect myself to actually sing along to chinese songs. haha. pretty exciting. haha. and i can actually read chinese words! haha.

so yes. we were basically revelling in our won voices and i think chew and i drank a tad bit too much and we ended up dancing on the sofas. haha. and i rmb how we chased away the china bitches, whom we've now termed as the "si mu gou", in recognition of the fact that they may not be able to comprehend the word "bitch". haha. but yes, we were pretty insistent that they not enter our room. haha, and who could forget cedrick's wondeful impersonation of a woman singing a whole new world with the alpha male andre! haha

on the taxi ride there

more pictures along the way

how gay can u get chew?

cedrick. diggory. haha

so into it

platoon 3

of booze and singing

sexy chew and baby cedrick

last night was crazy fun. headed down to mambo and i bumped into x. totally unexpected and alvy was like going on abt me giving x another chance, and she was trying to convince me that x still had feelings for me. thing was, she kept staring at claud who was dancing with me. it was a pretty awkward situation as i allowed myself to dance with x for that one moment. it was an awkward moment, and it felt totally weird. she was around and i felt the sourness tugging at my hearstrings as i danced away. the night was wonderful. spent most of the night at mambo and it was crazy fun. haha. claud was wonderful company. and so was daniel and qian. we had supper at spize but i was too preoccupied with puking. it was totally hilarious lar. the uncle, the taxi driver and daniel who had to put up with my puking nonsense all the way back. i swear i wasn't drunk. i think it was because i didn't have dinner and i had too much alcohol. last night's tally included one flaming lambo, 2 tequilla shots, the 2 free drinks and 1 jug of bourbon coke, speaking of which, max owes me money! haha. and so i was almost drunk and there was too much alcohol to go about. haha

so i'm pretty hung up over the alcohol intake from the LS ktv lounge. haha. it's clouding my vision and judgement and my ability to make a decent and thoughtful entry, chew is puking and i've not entirely recovered from last night. the plastic bag was a constant companion throughout the whole of last night and my stomach couldn't help but keep contracting with everything that was taken in, so goodbye to my iced tea and longan drink. haha. but then again, thanks to daniel who ensured i got back to camp in one piece and that i headed for training at 6 in the morning in totally perfect condition. haha. had to drag myself to seletar. totally shagged and worn out. and the puke was definitely intolerable. oh god. totally gross. haha

the bro. told ya to stick to just the lambo.

and that's qian looking all pretty.

just the 3 of us

the other 3

D!! bmt brother!

all ready to puke

the girls at spize

the boys at spize. plus the hidden bag of puke. haha

weekly staple

Thursday, 14 June 2007 by ranon

this seems to be a weekly thing, me sitting in cj's office waiting to go for mambo, and blogging away, listening to 987 playing in the background. ok. neyo's because of you is playing and all i can think of is denzil getting all excited when this song plays in the office and he'll be all giggly, squealing in delight "that's her favourite song". haha.

so yes. holiday plans with chew andre and marcus is finally taking form. 4 days 3 nights in bangkok, shopping and eating and just partying all night long seems like a perfect way to get away from the drudgery of everyday life here in singapore and in camp. it's a lil celebration before i fly off to uk in september. a reward to myself perhaps. haha. we're booking the hotel and flight tmr after pk and james confirm their attendance. haha.

i've been in my PT attire since this morning and i think i'm reeking to high heaven. conducted ippt in the morning and ran with andre and the rest. almost there andre. almost there. 7 seconds! then we had mask training and we played soccer wearing the stupid mask. i think within 5 minutes, we were all heaving and panting like the air was being sucked out of us. the mask seriously restricts the all essential process of respiration, and it doesn't help when it's wrapped so tightly around your face and your vision's impaired by the two pieces of triangular lens. and it's so heavy your face droops almost naturally i tell you. after that, went to the gym with cpt alex before having dinner at the mess. my body's aching all over. and there's more action tonight, what with the clubbing and all. haha. dance dance dance.

now, let me slip into the pensive and emo mood that has become a constant companion the last few days.

x seems to have moved on pretty well. but, she says she's been taken on a ride by this new guy, although they've been together for like a month and a half. and she has expressed her disappointment that he's not like me at all. she says the comparisons are inevitable and that she would always pre-empt his responses and he'd give her some unsatisfactory reply because she'd imagine how i would reply her. she claims that when things happen between the both of them, she cries because she's reminded of us, and she lies to him.

and i think after reading all that, i think i might be guilty of some of it. i know i claim to have moved on, and i choose to think that way because i know that there is nowhere in my heart for her to set her foot upon. yet, i know that i inadvertently commit what she is guilty of. i seek her reflection in the things people say and the things people do. i'm unsatisfied when they don't match up
because i know that i've had better. i'm afraid of using her as a benchmark because she's not that perfect. i wanna give everyone that same fair chance of being judged for who they are, and not for what they cannot match up to be. i'm selfish and i agree.

it's been 7 months, and that's a very very long time to get over someone. it's a juxtapostion. a dilemma. a paradox. what it claims it cannot, and must not be. i know i hate her as hell, yet i know deep down in me, part of me wants to be remembered, part of me wants to know that she's still there somehow. it's a comforting presence, yet at the very same time, it's haunting and ghastly. choosing to think the lesser of her doesn't help. and i know there's this sourness that somehow seeps into me when i find out about the things and the intimacy the two of them share, because i know i've owned that before, and now i'm left with nothing. it's a sour feeling that shouldn't be. i'm a loser and a cynic now. this attention of opposites that surrounds me is tearing and pulling me both ways. it's disconcerting and definitely unappreciated.

move on ranon.

stop it ranon.

wake up ranon.

wake up.


Tuesday, 12 June 2007 by ranon

i just reached home from making a new pair of specs after the sad demise of my last pair, which happens to be one of my favourite pairs of all time. it died a premature death after a short lived life of merely 6 months. i intend to write an epitaph for it but thought otherwise for fear that the new one might not sit well with me. haha.

ok. so the new one's arriving in 2 hours and i've gotta hop across the road to pick it up. at least it'll save me the horrifying embarrassment of having to wear the fugly black ones that somehow managed to miraculously survive bmt and ocs. it also, i would like to say, never saw the light of day since i commissioned. it's revival would only mark the start of socjot in brunei on july second.

speaking of which, i went down with heng today to nee soon to do the tsr test for socjot and fill in the application forms. at least there'll be some good company around, although the presence of a certain unpleasant member from my cadet days might mar the whole experience. however, the few of us have strong faith and belief that we'll be able to surpress his urge and irrepressible desire to take the lead. and i swear that if he ever tries to boss me around, i'm gonna wring his neck.

so well yar. i had the miso chicken thing from kfc for dinner just now and i was eating at the outlet near my house, which is just a 5 minute walk down the road. the last time i ate there was with x the morning after comms parade. it was a sunday, and she was sleeping and i poked her from her sleep and dragged her there coz i was starving. and i remembered how we sat at the cushioned sofas and when we stood up to leave, my head struck the lamp that was hanging overhead and everyone turned to stare. how unglam. haha. but those were memories from a past that has grown yellow with age. 7 months.

you claimed that i did not love you enough, and that i always took you for granted. you accused me of being heartless and unfeeling by walking out on you after that night. i don't know what you want from me. i know we had our fair share of quarrels and fights, alot of which got out of hand and some didn't end up nice, but i didn't deserve what you did to me that early morning of december the fifteenth. i gave my best and i gave it my all. you sapped the life out of me, i channelled all that was in me onto you. now you leave behind a mere shell of what i used to be.

i want to find it in my heart to forgive you. i want to be able to take you out to dinner with no feeling of vindication and just sit you down opposite me to just eat and talk like old friends. i believe we have so much to say to each other. we used to believe that we were soulmates, and that we were each other's bestest bestest friend because no one could understand us like we understood each other. how mistaken we were. how misled we were. how self delusional we were. yet, i know we have so much to say to each other. i can't believe what big fools we were. the holes were gaping and simply in our face, but we never really dared to face it. we avoided it and made detours around it, only to end up where we started off, at the edge of a maelstrom waiting to fall victim to its vicious and malicious appetitie.

i've so many things i wanted to tell you.

i wanted to tell you the first time i laid my eyes on you at the uwc camp, you were beautiful.

i wanted to tell you the night that we spent out under the stars at the very same camp, was the start of our trek across the heavenly maps.

i wanted to tell you the first kiss that transpired between our lips on the roof of the esplanade, left a lingering and sweet yearning for more to come.

i wanted to tell you that the late night movies at causeway point, was something i could have done for a lifetime.

i wanted to tell you that having you next to me on the day i commissioned, was something that made me see that life was complete. finally.

i wanted to tell you that running around singapore with you to raise funds for youth challenge, was a race against ourselves that shook the world that Atlas holds upon his back.

i wanted to tell you that everytime we went down to Redhill to visit the old folks there, i couldn't help but see us graying together and promising each other never to die before the other does, for the pain would be unbearable.

i wanted to tell you that the dinners you whipped up after school each day, was something i could eat for years on end, no matter how terrible they turn out to be.

i wanted to you that the single mattress that housed the two of us for 3 years, was the warmest shelter the world could offer to the weary soul.

most importantly, i wanted to tell you i hate you for giving it all up.

i now want to tell you that you've become hideous. you broke away from our journey across the terrestrial planes. you make me want to spit venom at the memories of the kisses that we shared. you make me see there is nothing that can be kept for a lifetime. you make me see how incomplete life is, even with the sword that i hold that bears the pride, honour and dignity of the corps. you make me never wanna run a race with anyone so close at hand. you make me see a gray and bleak future, without companionship and being all alone. you make me never want to touch anything your hand and heart produces. you make me see that no shelter could provide the warmest shelter the frozen arctic offers.

so therefore, i conclude, i hate you and no words you offer can exonerate you from the unspeakable things you've done.

so yes. i'm pretty sure we'll do fine at a dinner together.


Monday, 11 June 2007 by ranon

wakeboarding today was exceptionally painful. what with the stupid ankle and all, couldn't really control my right foot coz it was so stiff. took a few tumbles but the u-turn was beautiful. mwahaha. and nicolas is already doing it like a pro i tell you. haha. and the instructor was a new guy who was such a jackass and so damn slack. but he controlled the speed of the boat much better than the other instructors i had before. and i incredulously forgot to bring my towel along, so i had to use my extra shirt to dry myself after showering.

then it was a rush down to town to meet qian and shop around, and to finally catch pirates. bought new shirts at projectshop and then lunched at paragon's soup spoon. sat and talked and cam whored for just a slight while before heading to lido for pirates! finally. and it wasn't as bad as they claim it to be. it was hilarious, and i couldn't help but smirk when chow yun fatt did the "welcome to singapore" thing in that pseudo-piratey accent. and the solemnisation of will and elisabeth's marriage while they were fighting was kinda lame, but not over the top i guess. and johnny depp is a brilliant actor. haha. talking to himself and being all silly. but yea, it was funny. totally enjoyable and i guess that's what makes it a disney movie. there was this lil boy in the cinema who kept going "who's that?" even though will and jack sparrow appeared like a million times throughout the show! haha. damn cute.

so i'm back home preparing to go back to camp. and i'm still miffed over the fact that i lost my specs back in ocs and there's no way of retrieving it! dang! so i've to go make new ones tmr and there goes a hundred odd bucks down the drain. crap.

and back to yesterday's post, i guess it made me realise what it meant to be an officer. really. i've been through comms parade as a cadet watching my seniors commission last june when i was still in service term, then i commissioned myself last december, and now i'm watching them as an officer. full circle. each phase entails different responses and it reaffirmed the reasons why i chose the army as a career. the parade itself showcased the strong foundation the army was built upon, the precision and the grandeur. parades reflect the old traditions of the army preserved in their entirety, handed down from generation to generation. other than the solemn traditional parade, it also represents a celebration as we welcome a new batch of officers to the corps, celebrating their birth and initiation to a life of responsibility, dignity and honour.

there's a lot of pride in becoming an officer. i was talking to the newly commissioned guys at the dinner and i told them the most important thing they have to keep in mind when they went to their units, was to never adopt the mentality "i'm an officer, therefore i don't have to". it's precisely because you ARE an officer, that you must make sure you do what your subordinates can do. being an officer means being a leader, a motivator, a counsellor, an instructor, and most importantly, being a friend and being part of them. as cliched as it may be, you only start to realise all of these when you get yourself involved. so yes. life as an officer is only just taking off for me and i acknowledge the fact that i've still a long long way to go.

ok. i shall avoid sounding like a preacher and stop the moralistic rantings. comms parade definitely brought back alot of memories, and it made me see how much i've grown and changed in the last one and a half years. as of now, i've no regrets choosing this path as to take me through the next few years of my life.

lunch at soup spoon.

after the movie.

it's been 6 months

Sunday, 10 June 2007 by ranon

exactly 6 months ago, we commissioned as officers of the singapore armed forces. 6 months ago this day, we threw our caps into the air with such jubilance and immense joy. it marked the end of an excruciating 9 month wait. happy 6 months to the 63/06 occ batch of officers.

so i just came back from the 65/06 occ comms parade. went there as a table host and it was emotions abound despite it not being my comms parade. the day started out bad since we were told to report at 10 for some briefing by the new chief instructor whose name i found out is NOT kumar, contrary to how he looks like. he went through the same slides that were presented to us on thursday and the table hosts were not even mentioned at all. it was done by 10.40 and we changed and headed to jurong point. the gang from eti once again. liang jet and heng went to catch shrek while the rest of us lunched at fish n co, the regular's treat, who else. walked around for quite a bit before heading back to safti. it was a quick shower followed by a hasty change into number one and off we were to the parade square. oh, there were quite a few photos too! ended up watching the whole parade with jun ren and the rest before heading to the dining hall to mingle with the newly commissioned guys and had to play host to them and their parents.

it was great being back in ocs, amongst the company of friends who got through the toughest trainings and exercises here in the army, and friends who stood by you though the most painful of times. watching the cadets prepare in the morning, them rushing around, you could feel the tension bristling in the air. the intensity, the rawness of an impending celebration. it was something that they've been looking forward to in the last 9 months of their lives. there was an almost subdued elation they somehow seemed to escape from the quiverings of the smiles. i knew that feeling. i was there before and it was the wait that was draining.

the parade was a simple affair that made me think of the last 3 weeks spent back in ocs. what with the rehearsals, and sea-flying cockroaches, and ji dan mian, and table soccer and "ah, the great outdoors" contributed by jun ren. it was a sombre affair to a certain extent, each segment carefully crafted to take the parade through a cascade of emotional highs and lows. the 14 step march forward, the slow march, the march pass, the recitation of the saf pledge and of course, the finale. it wasn't too long ago that we were taken on this very same emotional journey and suddenly, everything feels so remote. i shared their excitement and mounting impatient trepidation for that one burst of energy and emotion.

ok. i'm falling asleep while typing this. i'll write more tmr abt today. i need to sleep. here are the photos to knock yourself out first.

the bro and kai jie

and there's dear chrissy baby and tat

"welcome to royal sporting house!" - me


more posers

ah liang - he who wears his underwear only and hides under his blanket to talk to his gf

jet - permanent member of the LS trio. he who sweats too much.

heng - underaged sex is a crime.

jun ren - the bestest bro i had in eti, and even up till now.