i was reading the newspapers this morning on my way to meet chew at lavender to collect our passports before heading back to camp for a sweep, when i came across this article that explored the singaporean identity. on the advent of our 42nd national day, the author attempts to explore what has made life so singaporean in the last few decades of his existence on this island nation.

so what is it exactly that makes us singaporean? 20 years on, i can only hope to postulate that what i've been through bears a semblance to what life is as a singaporean. i don't speak for many people i guess. i've had the privilege of completing my entire education in a few of the top educational institutions this country offers. so yes, people do label me an uncaring and elite-loving teenager, but i think that that's a misconception that has embedded itself in the minds of many people. how do you tag someone based on a system that everyone has been subjected to? stop the comparison and appreciate everyone for the effort and work that has been put in. no one gets to where they are by chance. family backgrounds and each individual's traits determine how far they get in life and this adds to the diversity of the population.

education hangs loosely on the mouths of singaporeans. now with the primary school balloting in progress, it merely highlights how we see education as an utmost priority. starting with a sound and solid foundation sets the basis for a kid's future and growth. chinese high taught me values that i could never have learnt elsewhere, and i'm thankful for a somewhat chinese education that grounded me in confucian ethics and principles. so if you ask me what moulds the singaporean identity, i would say education plays a participating role in that definition, and sets the groundwork for a further exploration of a label.

singaporean men cannot dissociate themselves from a phase in life known as national service. loathe it or love it, but it's a phase that all guys have to go through. it's a period when boys do grow into men, as cliched as it may be, but boys mature through the process of accepting a hierachy that's new to them, and of accepting a duty that bounds them to the nation. as unwilling or reluctant one may be, it is a calling that he cannot run from, and the process of "sucking thumb" becomes second nature that indeed toughens you up. it's when routine becomes familiarity, and being duty-bound you discover yourself in the toughest of trainings, and the most boring of labour. that's part two of breeding a national identity, of having to go through a period of 2 years, a sacrifice on many counts of precious months dedicated to the servitude to the nation, as you immerse yourself and play a role in the contribution to the defence of the country.

so what else have i been through as a twenty year old, other the rigour of the education system and national service? i'm really not too sure.

ok, this is when i pause coz i'm getting distracted and i'm getting too lazy to think and type anything. i'm thinking of my half completed harry potter book sitting in the corner of my room. bought it at parkway this afternoon before my sweep and was reading it the whole time till i came home. been reading it real slowly, absorbing every single word of it, and enjoying the immensity that is the culmination of all tales.

i think i'll stop here now. back to reading. will write more of the singapore identity when i'm done with potter. ooh, the excitement.

pulau senang prep has kept me totally, utterly, impossibly and absolutely busy the last few days in camp. it's just a simple demolition live firing exercise that happens to occur on an offshore island and because of that mere fact, the endless logistical troubles and admin overload that comes with it is one helluva nightmare. haha.

but i managed to squeeze some time out for mambo last night. went with jet heng sebas jon foo and max. i'm still thinking of the prata i had before we went in. feeling hungry all of a sudden. anw, i think the whole of rj was there! we bumped into so many people you would have thought it was a rj party. and mambo is seriously like the most fun shit around i tell you. no words can describe the high you get dancing to old disco numbers. it's such a happy feeling with all the hand movements and all the jumping around and all the laughter. haha. phuture and rnb feels more like a battleground, all the guys vying for the attention of the girls around them, where claws come out if one guy trespasses another's meat, or at least marked out property. haha.

anw, i'm like watching the new channel 8 army drama series on tv now. it's damn kinky i tell you. how the two captains and two warrant officers are like flirting with each other in camp. oooh. haha. what if i marry a uniformed girl one day? won't that mean we'll have so much in common? things that we can actually relate to each other in everyday life. i mean, not everyone will actually bother to listen to you go on and on about your work in the army, and having a like minded person to spend the rest of your life with would mean that there'll be someone who'll always empathise with what you're going through at work. but that kinda makes your life view a lil bit myopic coz you're just so preoccupied with the military that you externalise the outside world.

but hell. hot chicks in uniform are a total turn on. haha. i don't believe i just said that.

and if felicia chin was my oc, i'd find an excuse to go to her office everyday. haha.

9 days to thailand!!

yesterday was the national day parade ne show, catered for primary 5 kids all over singapore. given tickets by a very kind friend, we decided to go catch it as a display of affectionate patriotism and of partial curiosity over what it was gonna be like at the marina bay platform. so the people in attendance were the kiangs, qian, the hengs, wei liang and myself! haha. met the kiangs and qian at gelare first, gorged out on waffles and ice cream before heading to the floating platform. met alot of people along the way, most of them were from 30 and they were on duty. walked in to our seats and again, saw even more people. chief, commander and co were all there.

ndp this year proved to be very much different compared to those of yesteryears. the constraints of the floating platform were maximised by the performers, and the ingenious use of the existing terrain, like the sheares bridge and the surrounding waters, added an excellent touch to the whole show. the parade was ok, all the girls fell in love with the white uniforms of the navy people. the dyanamic defence display was the highlight of the show i guess. the chinook hovering a few metres over the water and the naval divers leaping off it into the water, and the navy and police coast guard fast craft demonstrating their speed and agility in the waters was WOW. of course, there were the commandos and their leap off the sheares bridge, rappelling head first into the water. and the apaches and the salute. i guess it was a display of magnificience and power to the non-military personnel watching the show. an assurance to the public that our national defence is in good hands perhaps, a celebration of 40 years of ns maybe, but it definitely did entertain and inspire a sense of pride in in-service personnel, knowing that you're part of this strong and steadfast force.

the fireworks were breathtaking as usual. yet, wei liang said something that stuck with me. we were all so caught up taking photos to retain the momentary beauty of the fireworks, that sometimes, we miss out on the essence and real beauty of the few seconds that it lingers on. i pondered upon it for a while, and half heartedly agreed. on one hand, you don't wanna lose sight of the temporal flash of light and beauty, yet on the other, you wanna capture it down so that the moment stays with you for life. opportunity cost i say. but, i'm a sentimental person. i choose to store and retain memories in factual and real objects, for memory might fail us one day, and these material items will serve its purpose to remind and transport you back to that memory in time.



the kiangs, qian and me. all hyped up.



getting into the mood of things



made in singapore. born and bred through and through.



ghastly green monster.



a nation celebrates



lost and weary souls.



last one for the day.

bits and pieces from the show:











the location was perfect, in the heart of the financial district, next to the vibrant arts hub that we know as the esplanade, opposite a future that is to be known as the Integrated Resort, in front of what will become the Singapore Eye. haha. the skyline may never match up to that of hong kong or london, but it's what make it singaporean and that's what gives form to an identity.



mahjong with jet wei liang and max after that and i lost big. kept feeding jet and lost non stop. jet kindly offered to drive us to the bus stop after we finished at 6, as a sincere form of apology and a chance to show off the fact that he's gotten his licence 2 weeks ago. skeptics we were at first, me and max, but he proved us wrong and drove us safely to the bus stop in one piece. haha. slept till two in the afternoon before heading out again.

met qian and chew and the kiangs for shisha at arab street. fine, it wasn't exactly at arab street, baghdad street, but close enough. slacked around and ate and smoked. gave new meaning to chilling out like the rest said. haha. sundays never felt so slack, although i was nursing a terrible flu. cam whoring moments with the whole gang. if only life could be this way everyday. although i was feeling all emo and angsty, the music there didn't exactly uplift my spirits coz it was to the tune of emo days. haha. a sleazy life of drugs without alcohol. addicts we are not.

today, it was


at


in a lil place known as al-sheikh


days of being emo:











RCK



RCK once again.



mindblowing. the hardcore addict.



this car actually had this sticker on it. the words decepticon were printed on its side. haha



goodbye to a day of potpourri smoke, friends and mindless banter.

it's back to work tomorrow. more things to do for senang. it's been one helluva a weekend. playing hard means i'm all geared up for the week to come, or so i hope.

dreaming of thailand. and uk. and the vatican city. haha.

this is a damn funny blog my friend introduced to me. take away all the obscene language and vulgarities, you will get what he's trying to say. although the colourful language does add on to the humour. haha.

enjoy

http://rockson.blogspot.com/

thursday was a killer. ran 12 click and my foot's aching like hell, even now. i'm limping if that's bad enough. was caught up to my neck doing stuff for pulau senang live firing. senang's a bitch, so much admin work to do. had to head down to tengah air base for a meeting with the eod flight people before cpt alex sent me home. haha. had a quick shower and changed, then headed down to conrad hotel to meet ben for the university of warwick reception. met up with the year twos and the year ones-to-be. haha. it was a mini gathering of sorts, the international office people were there and there was a briefing to prepare the freshies, peppered with snippets of stories about life there in general. mingled, ate, talked. now, i'm all geared up and excited about uni life. just applied for uni orientation and it's burning a hole in my pocket to the tune of 90 pounds, that's 270 sing dollars mind you. haha. but what the hell lar. and according to the seniors, my course is one of the slackest around. apparently it only clocks 7 hours of lectures a week! haha. they say that means i'll be sleeping and partying alot, coz that's like the only thing to do around campus. haha. i'm all hyped up i tell you. with one pound beer all around, i think i'll grow a beer belly there. and i've made plans for christmas this year, or so i think. since the whole of europe's so connected, and people like ben keep regaling me with tales of his trips to belgium italy and all (he says it's possible to live on 10 euros a day), i've decided i wanna spend a real christmas in the vatican city. i can't wait. just imagine, the cathedrals and the lights and christmas carols, in the home of catholicism. although i'm no pious catholic, or a subscriber to any religion, christmas is still a time to just soak up the love and feel the warmth of the season. 2 more months before i fly! my ecstasy cannot be contained. haha.

friday was spent doing more stuff for senang. think it's gonna be this way the whole of next week. senang's the week after and then it's bangkok!! a much deserved break from work and singapore. definitely need to mambo next week before senang and thailand.

and today, there's the ndp ne show! haha. jonathan got us tickets so we're going. after that's mahjong at wei liang's place tonight. busy busy day.

updates tmr! :)

today's a wednesday night, and that probably correlates to mambo night in alot of people's minds, much less mine. but i'm refraining myself from the drunken drudgery that has somehow become a constant in my life every week, be it a wednesday, friday or saturday night. so i've declined invitations from heng and jet and fahyik, and have even postponed shisha to sunday coz i was feeling all lazy. mambo has thus been pushed to next week, partly because tonight's the launch of the mambo jambo cd and the whole world will probably turn up and jam pack the dance floor, a privilege that i've been entitled to the last few mambo nights.

note to self: time to start wakeboarding. it's been a month since the last session. mahjong on saturday night. shisha on sunday. life's good. thank you very much.

anw, the world's going on a mad rampage these days. you read and see so much disaster and wreckage that's happening all around the globe, and you can't but help what we're sinking ourselves into. the japan earthquake, the crazy floods in new zealand and china, and today, there was the plane that veered of the runway in sao paolo, brazil and crashed into a building that killed all 176 passengers. the decimation, the devastation, the mindless destruction. is it a warning that foretells of an impending doom that is to come? a faithless man i am, i don't ascribe to the words of the bible or the koran or any other religious literature. are we the victims of our own aspirations and creations - our technology and science? our over zealous ambitions? is it our own undoing that has gotten us where we are now? has what was supposed to enable us, disabled the earth's natural mechanisms? all the world's interconnected by not only the spirit of humanity, but by the ground we tread on and the air we breathe. each step leaves a mark on a common soil that is stained by the bloodbaths of soldiers, militants and innocents in iraq. the air is filled with the scintillating scent of sighs and screams of futility and desperation fuelled by the helpless who perish under nature's ire.

like the black eyed peas once sang, where is the love?

i'm starting to worry about my life in the army. what if this enthusiasm and hyperactivity is but a mere transient and temporary phase that i'm going through? an excitement brewed from the novelty of life in the army, and in 36 sce. there's so much left to explore and am i really exposing myself to all the elements that life has to offer? am i'm ostracising myself from the rest of the world, holing myself up in what i believe to be the crux of my passion - eod? it's this inane questioning that's making me pause where i'm at and wonder what's going in my life. i wanna be doing what i enjoy and what i'm passionate about, and i believe i'm doing that this very moment. but what if i'm wrong? what's gonna sustain this belief and faith in the next 3 years in uk? what's gonna keep me grounded, to tell me that i am still very much passionate about my work?

even in the army, i don't wanna just be stuck doing eod stuff in 36 sce. i wanna move about and be exposed to the different levels that make up the army. moving up the ranks means moving away from the ground work, the foundation that you've set yourself into now. planning and management swings into place and that's what excites me. i wanna be an instructor. i wanna teach people and induct them into life in the army and watch them grow into the men that NS has promised them to become. inducing the fervour to take them through their 2 years of NS liability isn't easy, but watching them achieve it foretells tales of endless satisfaction.

all i'm wishing for now is that i've the drive to get me through the next 3 years and not forget what i've been fighting for the last 7 months here in eod. i wanna come back rejuvenated and be ready to take on the exciting prospects of being an officer in the army, doing what i believe could potentially change lives.

on a side note, vidz is back! she called me this afternoon when i was in the office and she's all excited about me going over to the uk too, although she's in southampton. holidays are being planned even before i fly off. haha. can't wait to catch up with her!

friday was phuture with chew and daniel. the rest pulled out so it was up to the three of us to save the night and make it last. but it was not to be coz the crowd was utterly terrible, and there was no breathing space on the dance floor at all, which was surprising for a friday night. think i'm just gonna stick to wednesday nights. mambo rocks and nothing comes close.

then it was back to camp with daniel coz he was on standby and i was DO. spent the earlier part of the morning talking to ben about life in warwick and what to expect, before i finally dozed off into slumberland. the rest of the afternoon was spent watching vcds with daniel in the bunk, which was ruefully interrupted coz the SOL dude had to report to me every two hours, which started to get on my nerves after the first four hours in the morning. haha.

today was spent much more eventfully. handed over duty to the newly promoted CPT eric early before heading to pulau senang with warrant eric for the live firing recce. west coast ferry terminal is like a million light years away from selarang camp lar. linked up with cpt alex and the other 3 team commanders before moving off in a fast craft, during which my pc and julian downed some pills to combat sea sickness, bad memories from the training last week i think. haha. pulau senang brought back memories of my cadet days during the eod course. now taking a walk about the island, taking in the view of the training ground in its totality from the highest knoll sent a warm shudder, if that's possible, down my back as it reminded me of how far i've come, that i'm no longer a trainee, and that i've moved beyond that. being attached to the training cadre for their live firing will give me another opportunity to meet up with some of the cadets, and hopefully i'll be able to share with them what i've learnt in my last 7 months in 36 sce.

finished the recce around 11 and rushed home to shower and then headed to town for lunch with my delta section mates. haha. the safos-scholar-cum-future-general was back from the uk and attendance was pretty good. 8 out of 10. remarkable. lunched at wisma's ding tai fung, followed by desserts at the big O at wheelock. i swear the O stands for orgasm, this following the debate that was sparked at the table. haha. with food names like 'aphrodisiac' and 'love bug' and 'gotham split', what were we to think?! sexual innuendos abound, we asked the waiter what the O stood for, and he simply said that it was related to some cake or brownie of theirs. all i could think of was what went into the cake. gross.

walked around for abit with max and shawn, before meeting up with dex and jet. shopped for shoes and i bought new ones, finally. had dinner at far east and finally proceeded to lido to drown ourselves in potter mania! haha. it was pretty disappointing i guess. the action was kinda limited and i felt there were many elements of the book that were left out. potter wasn't as brooding or angsty like how rowling made him out to be, perhaps not as expressive in his frustration as the book portrayed. it was darker, granted, yet it lacked the punch that i had been anticipating. many characters were left out this time round, characters worth expounding on. people like snape and even dumbledore. even the resurrected voldermort deserved a lil more air time. on the whole, it was ok i guess, just a lil disappointing. not every book can be recreated so perfectly onto reel, something which lord of the rings achieved. hopefully book 7 does the anticipation some justice when it's finally released on saturday.

bumped into an ex classmate of mine at lido too, and it was an awkward moment i guess, considering i've been trying to avoid contact with most of my ex classmates after all that has happened, what with the break up and law school and the rumours that have been going around. it's not exactly the nicest of things. you so badly wanna set things right but the words just don't come out that easily. making the first approach just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. i think i've been avoiding the issue, but i don't wanna answer anyone now. let them judge me if they want to. if after being classmates with them after 2 years means anything, they should know better than to blindly allow the rumours to propagate. it gets disappointing i guess, but it's about learning to live with disappointment that makes you a stronger person.

suba once told me that i'll never be a teacher coz i can't take criticism. i used to agree with her, the part about taking criticism. call me self-conscious, call me sensitive, but that was me then. i think the army taught me that being discussed about behind your back's all part and parcel of life. no amount of defensive retorts will set things right, as hard as you try. becoming an instructor, playing the bad guy meant that i had to be prepared for any harsh criticisms that ensued. true enough, it came raining down on me. "there's a fine line between stupidity and garangness" and "childish" were perhaps the harshest, and the only criticisms that came from the cadets. i accepted them because firstly, i knew what i was doing and that the end product was for the better of them. sometimes, they don't see what you see till they are in your shoes and it's something that the instructors generally agree. what may seem stupid to the cadets now, will unfold into sensibility in time to come. secondly, this formed a minority of the feedback gathered and the majority were all pretty positive and encouraging. i knew that i couldn't please everyone and from the onset, i told myself to do my best and as long as we achieved what we as instructors had set out to do, nothing else mattered. bottomline is, accept that it is never possible to gain everyone's favour, and as long as i did what i did with the professionalism of an officer/instructor, i cannot be faulted.

yet, when it comes to something so personal, i don't know what to do. avoiding them seems like the only way, no matter how foolish it may be, i don't want a confrontation with friends whom i've been classmates with for two years. it seems so awkward, broaching the subject with them. let them think what they choose to think, let x poison them with whatever vile venom she chooses to spew from her mouth, i'll just move on and find myself solace and comfort in the wintry nights of warwick. for now, there are friends who have known me for a much shorter time than the ex classmates, but can somehow see me for who i really am, friends whom i know will not be swayed by the foul language of "the word of mouth".

and so it was a night of mambo yesterday, with the not so regular gang this time round. haha. went with peiyi and dingwen and ended up with shawn lee and kai pin. haha. couldn't resist the temptation of mambo after being deprived of alcohol and good music since i left for the godforesaken land. mambo was deliriously good, partly due to the overwhelming dose delivered by that 1 jug of long island. peiyi took one jug, i took the other. and boy was that a bad choice. my dear friend ended up puking outside zouk and some stranger actually took his phone to call me outside to help the poor dude out. haha. threw him into a cab with the help of kai pin, not before witnessing him drown himself in puke and watch him vomit all over his hand. now i know how i must have looked like at qian's house the last time round, and what chew and daniel had to go through.

man, i love mambo. it was crazy and so damn fun. haha. and i'm starting to pick up the hand movements. mambo mambo mambo. there's the iguana's and phuture date tmr with the regular gang again. finally. yaay.

and so today was spent helping my grandparents move from my place to my uncle's. that means i'm gonna get back my old room, and that means i'm gonna get my air con back, not that i really need it, but yeap, i'll get my nice old blue room back.

i can't help but think of the thailand trip that's coming up. and i also can't help but think of my cadets who are in eti now. there seems to be a bond and fondness that i've developed for this amazing bunch of cadets. i just wanna see them get through the tough training in eti and commission at the end. i think the emotional attachment stems from the fact that they've made such a huge influence in my life, and that they've been able to shed some light on an aspect of officership that i've never seen before. it's a wake up call, not so much an epiphany, but an awakening. i do not think of it as mere gratitude, but a genuine friendship of sorts. press on guys.

so yes. back to camp tmr. was actually allowed to take off tmr, but ops room had to call me this afternoon and tell me that i've a sweep in the morning tmr at the most ungodly of places. damn. at least there's the night to look forward to! :)



mr wang. pissed drunk boy.

now, no one in his right frame of mind would volunteer himself as an instructor for socjot, which would actually entail him having to climb up and down mount biang one more time in that treacherous and unforgiving green foliage, rationing precious amounts of water and surviving on inedible combat rations. yet, i did the opposite and now that i'm back after 10 days out at the far ends of the world, i can safely say that i have no regrets in doing so. as painful as it was, having had to endure the toughest terrain and harshest weather conditions, and of course human folly when it came to navigating that caused us to lose precious time, socjot wasn't all that bad.

i left singapore on a sunday night an inexperienced young second lieutenant with pretty much no experience as an instructor. i left not knowing what to do or expect, all save for the words that kept repeating itself in my mind, and that was to teach my cadets all that i knew, and to prepare them for life in eti, and more importantly, life as an officer upon commissioning. the role as an instructor intrigued me as i've never properly assumed the role of one, and now, being offered a chance to do so, i jumped at it with absolute relish.

i knew i would take on the role as the strict disciplinarian, which was pretty evident within the first day we arrived in brunei and we (the instructors) were quick to don on the various suits and roles required. i of course, was the nasty devil. it didn't take long before the cadets got adjusted to our different roles and saw me as the irritating and fierce bugger who kept shouting at them and pushing them and knocking them down.

yes, i was firece and unrelentless at times, yet i believe that the cadets learnt from it. their life in brunei was no where compared to what they were gonna be facing in eti and as instructors, we took it upon ourselves to ensure that they be mentally prepared for what was to come.

so i was placed in charge of team 14, and this group of cadets taught me so much more about myself than i ever expected to as an instructor. we explored the jungles of brunei together, slept under the stars together at the base of biang, raced to the end point to cross the river just in time as the last group of the day. they were motivated by so many things - no camou should they reach the intermediate point on day 1, an iced lychee/longan/rambutan and prata treat from me at the end of the exercise. haha. i, on the other hand, was motivated by them. simple as that. the material versus the intangible. i kept myself going knowing that these people saw me as an example and a leader. they pushed me to be the best that i could be, and in return, i shared with them my thoughts, my views and my outlook on life as an officer. it was a working partnership, rather than that of an instructor-trainee.

trust and friendship was built and the the team dynamics were superb and irrepressible. they made the whole experience worth it, and it was them that made me realise what kinda instructor i was, and what areas i should work on. they made me see that being an officer isn't always about being part of the unit as a platoon commander, or a 2ic in my case, and that there was a wider field in the army to explore. you require a separate set of skills as an instructor that cannot be taught through life in the unit, but instead, use experience from unit life as a basis for your method of instruction.

now that socjot's over, one small chapter of my life has concluded, but it merely marked the start of a very long journey for the cadets, a 6 months ride fraught with countless mind boggling and trying situations. all of them will step into eti today and their minds are in a frenzy. i've walked their path and now it's their turn. i see my shadow in so many of them and i can empathise with how they feel. the trepidation that mounts as the hour closes in to the time they have to book in. the excitement as they await the arrival of the much feared oc, and also finding out who makes the cut for cbrd, eod and bridging. haha.

i told team 14 on the last night, that i wanted all of them to commission and when i'm back for my vacation attachment next year in july, we'll be of the same rank and they can finally call me by name. these cadets moved me with what they did on the last day in brunei. i haven't felt so appreciated in such a long while. what they did proved that what i've done and how i've conducted myself in brunei was the right thing, and that volunteering for socjot was one of the bestest decisions i've made in my life. i guess that's what every instructor wants to see from his own trainees, that they grow up and learn as much from them. i want them to get in the right frame of mind and like i said to them, the most important thing is that they become good officers upon commissioning. nothing else matters from now till december, except doing their best in eti and commissioning as an officer of the saf.

so to team 14: edison, jerome, zi kai, edwin, you jun, kao jun, kannan, aubrey, sheng long and ryan, thank you guys so much for opening my eyes to a world that i've not seen before, for allowing me to explore another dimension of officership that until last week, was unchartered territory. you guys have moved my life in so many ways that can never be understood until you guys are in my position. thank you.

and of course my fellow instructors: zi yang, eugene ma, heng, kai jie, zhuo song and kevin, thank you guys for making me the bad guy. haha. and for putting up with my crazy ideas like the 7 minutes turn out at 4.45 in the morning. and who can forget our many instructors dinner at the canteen, and kevin's endless phone sex and cyber sex. haha. there's still the upcoming harry potter movie and crabs date.



tango one four



unbelievably touched.

the cadets have more photos and i'll upload them once they book out and send me the photos. haha.

once again, thank you for the experience.

heard this from a friend's friend. it's damn funny lar. lame, but funny. haha

One day, a teacher decides to ask Ahbeng a simple math question:

Ahbeng has 10 apples, he gives 3 apples to his neighbour, how many apples does have he left?

Ahbeng replies, "10 apples and 1 dead neighbour."

dot.