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make me feel like the one

i have a voice in my head that's been talking to me. it seems to be a ghost from the past, summoned forth by these deep stirrings of my heart, to ensure that the heart remains banished and in exile. It's not that the heart is reluctant and stubborn, it simply cannot resist the temptation of the land the body treads. Every place on campus has a significant memory - the benches outside social studies, the grass behind the library, the field behind claycroft, westwood cafe, the library. they're there haunting every step i take and i fight them only to be met with immense futility. yet on days when i am victorious, it is but a momentary one. some days are filled with a longing and desire for you to fill the void that permeates my surroundings, so that i can regale you with tales from training and rehearsals. i want you to be there to share these memories of mine. then there are days when i wonder what is to happen to us 10 years from now? will i realise that this was all just a hopeless obsession of my youth, or will i shut out the world waiting for you? finally, there are days when i don't seem to think of all the pain and longing, and deliberately seek a way out by way of avoidance. i am weakening each passing day but at the same time, i think i'm growing stronger. there are two opposing forces at work here in my body, pulling towards two extremities. my mind tells my heart to channel all my energy towards that one specific end, but the heart is a disloyal creature to the mind and body. yet i think i'm a fighter. i will fight.

8 feb 2009. one year on and look where we are at now. take your cue from eliot reed, season 8 episode 1.

“make me feel like the one”