i sat at the eighth row of the lecture theatre today and there you were in the second. the back of your head was distracting enough but never for once did i see you turn around to perhaps, look for me. i sat there and wondered, amidst Barry Buzan, Hedley Bull and The English School, what made this so difficult to get through. it was the commitment i had chosen to make when we started going out, because for once in my life here in the uk, here in warwick, i found something worth pursuing and keeping to. and commitment made me think about you, and gave me something to look forward to in life here in this strange land. the companionship and the feeling of waking up knowing that you're really not that alone, despite being so far away from home. even more so, i was moved by how true you were to yourself and the causes you fight for. i was humbled by your involvement in S T A R and W I D S and that whole experience in mexico. i was proud to be your boyfriend because you were a much greater person than i could ever be. so when you walked away, i could never find a reason to hate you or think lesser of you because you represented all that i could ever dream to be. two weeks ago i thought i could find it in me to detest you but you've only been able to make me feel inadequate and broken. i still find myself drawn to events you've shed blood and sweat for because each one of them represents a part of you i had once fallen in love with, even if it means giving up or missing something important. i do it to remind myself of what it felt like to be in love, and then losing it all before your eyes while i see you smiling in the glow of success. i'm happy for you when it all goes well and as planned.

my honesty. my melodramatics, pidyn cox.

This entry was posted by ranon, on Monday 10 November 2008. You can leave your response.