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there's no one left to blame

it all hinges on that first time. that first look, that first spoken word. and that first hug. and then it all falls apart when the truth emerges from that first sight, that first sound, that first touch. somehow it just went away. that burden and that load strapped to your back. you walk away praying so hard that this feeling of lightness doesn't stem from that momentary shock. you pray even harder that the weight does not come back. perhaps, you pray the hardest for things to go back to the way things were before - being just friends. that was how it all started wasn't it, and to let it all go would simply be too great a waste. so what are you to do when you don't know what's going on on the other side? you guess and triple guess and take blind stabs in the dark hoping that the knife doesn't come out bloody. i don't know if i'm over you. i really don't know, but the feeling when i first saw you since summer feels less angry, less needy, less frustrated. wistful perhaps, but not the gut wrenching anguish of before. so come back to be my lecture buddy and wake me up when the going gets boring. i still need you in my life, and i hope you do too. you were my only friend, so be that friend not out of pity please. life's going back to the way it was before slowly but steadily.

or so i hope.

“there's no one left to blame”