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the remedy

i'm convinced that it's only you i want because more than anything else, i want to be there when you walk in for your first paper to shoulder the fear and trepidation that you carry with you. i want to be there when you walk out of the exam hall with nothing but a sense of relief and accomplishment - to share that moment with you. and it might not mean anything to you now, but i'm more than certain now, that that's all that i want to do now, and for a longer time to come. and i'd rather wait out our time, knowing that we've done all that we could, accomplished all that we could, loved all that we (or i) could, than give all of it up now.

i never thought i'd miss commitment.

but i do.

i guess, at the end of the day, it's a one-sided affair of wishful and hopeful thinking that complicates the whole affair.

it hurts having to see you so close, to feel your presence next to me, but know that there's no way i can reach out to touch that face and kiss those lips of yours, and then hold you so tight to relieve the constriction, the tension and the cold shiver of my insides.

but i cannot ask for more.

i need to know my place, and i need to drill it in, that i was made for nothing more than 4 months.

take it back. take it back. take it back.

i still sleep with your shirt hoping that you'll take it all back. i want you to give me the reason and purpose again to send someone a meaningless text to say how much i've been thinking of you, and to call you at night to tell you that i wished you were next to me sleeping. i want to watch aladdin with you in bed just like the first time. i want you to come over to where i am in the library to kiss me and say goodbye because that's what being us means. i want to watch scrubs with you in bed till either of us fall asleep, usually it's me. i want you to nudge me awake because i'm snoring too loudly. i think most importantly, i need you to restore the meaning to 'here is the church and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people' and 'and if you were the ocean i'd learn to float'.

i'm waiting for texts and calls that will not come, simply because things are no longer like before.

take it back?

“the remedy”