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treble clef

thinking ahead and envisioning what may come to be in the future can be one of the most intimidating and heartwrenching activities a human mind may choose to participate in subconsciously at any point in time. it's scary to think of how fast my first year in uni is almost coming to an end. with the passing of the easter holidays, it brings me a step closer to not only the exams, but towards the prospect of being away from warwick for three months in summer. the inevitability pursues the reluctant mind so relentlessly, latching itself to your back and refusing to jump off, causing a stir and an assault of emotions so powerful it rocks the very ground beneath your feet.

i can think of so many things that makes leaving so difficult. what's 5 weeks in comparison to three months. the emotional baggage and attachment provides the strongest force that's holding me back. and i'm not denying the existence of anyone or anything at home here in singapore, but warwick has opened up what has been held back. it's given me the space and the liberty to pursue ideas and alternatives that were contained within before. and even amidst this newfound intellectual and emotional free space, there has never been a lack of support and faith. they took you by your hand, paving an entirely surreal world before your feet, and as you took calculated footsteps, uncertain and very wary of its potential repercussions, they accompanied you down its path with absolute trust and care, not judging and with an unmistakable partiality. it's given me an identity, and it's given me a world to live in, a life to live. so yes, forgive me if i cannot bear to transplant myself from a foreign land to home, because there just is too much at stake, and too much to put aside for that 3 months.

you were a force to reckon with. i should have known that taking that step forward would ensnare even the bravest soul. but i did, and you conquered. i'm trapped in you and there's no way out, not that i want to. it's just unsettling sometimes.


“treble clef”