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pink blouses and red bras

that probably helped cass win at mahjong today. the guys ALL lost and she was the overall winner. had to be the bra and blouse. andre gamely sent james and i to woodlands after much persuasion, although i think the big electronic traffic sign sealed the deal seeing that it said it would only take 9 minutes to get from his place to woodlands. bet it felt much longer after we got lost due to my incompetence and inability to navigate the roads in the neighbourhood. in fact, it definitely took much longer than 9 minutes. haha.

it's been slightly over a year since life with x came to an abrupt halt. and there wasn't once in the last 14 months that i believed that i could do what i am doing now. faith spelt impossibility and no strength could be surmounted from within to re-open what was forcibly clamped shut. and for months there was a struggle to regain a confidence that had been toppled, and to tear down the wall that sprung up as a defence mechanism. no one came close. not even myself. and along came the unlikeliest of persons, in the newest of times, in the most unknown of worlds. it backfires at times when the insecurities and fears step in and it hurts the other person, but it's an uncontrollable emotion seeing that the body and mind's been trained to react as such. i've taken the hugest step i've ever taken and in doing so, everything's been let go of, but it's still masked by the thinnest and least translucent of veils. tearing it down brings me closer to the ground, closer to the crushing possibility of failure. so forgive me if i subconsciously take a step back, or i trip and fall. i will stand up, even if it means being swallowed by the earth all over again because this time, i know it's worth it.

“pink blouses and red bras”