and when all was going well last night, i was cornered against the wall, like the hunter and its prey, where i was but anything with a shotgun in hand. questions were fielded in the most awkward of positions and it was when i realised that i felt nothing within me, no hatred, no anger, that i figured i had truly moved on. i mean, she was there physically right before me, but unlike before when i would choose to avoid contact or conversation with her, i was ok with just being around her and entertaining her. and soon she had become another mere figure in the crowds of zouk - distant and foreign. she was just another girl in a club and i was just a guy in club. and when her attentions shifted back to the guy she was with, her best friend stepped in and this i was willing to accept because she was always someone i could talk to. and there she was trying to convince me that x wasn't over me and that even after more than a year her feelings didn't go away. so i told her to turn around to watch x and the guy make out in front of me and she tried even harder to convince me that it was her way of moving on. and then again, i realised, that nothing in me was fanned or inflamed by what i had witnessed. perhaps a year before i would have been greatly disturbed and unsettled, but right now, i felt nothing. again, she was a stranger in a club dancing next to us making out with some random person. she had become a commonality in the club, her actions were nothing out of the ordinary. she had blended into the scene entirely and i would not have picked it out as something that stood out because it was a common occurrence played out all over the club.

so yes, i've moved on. and going to warwick hasn't made me atas. in fact, it's made me grounded and aware of who i am, and what i really want.

This entry was posted by ranon, on Thursday 10 April 2008. You can leave your response.