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7 hours

is it possible that after a week, one can still be suffering from jetlag? i mean, taking into account the fact that i've been going to bed at 2 a.m these days and not being able to sleep till 7 or 8 the next morning, i basically spend the rest of the day sleeping. take today for example, i finally got to bed around 11 in the morning and only woke up at 5 p.m to go meet wei liang and jet for dinner. maybe the mind's preoccupied with the what-ifs and the constant conjuring up of the different possibilities a mistake can be made, or how one reacts to failure and the acceptance of the undeniable truth. there are no grounds or basis for these disturbances, and all it points to is a weakness. my extreme weakness, of having once been robbed of faith and trust.

sometimes i wonder if i'm gonna be any good at my job. i mean people have been through the same system and they know what to expect of an officer. it's my career now, and there are times when you know that you are being judged by others about your capabilities and commitment. people who have left the army move on to fields not known to others, and it's a time of experimentation as they seek to secure a foothold somewhere in society. i'm stuck doing what they have done before, perhaps it's on a slightly higher level, but certain things do not change. the character and qualities of being an officer cannot be compromised, and it never changes throughout the years. so it's easier for them to judge you because they know what you can, and what you are supposed to do. so look beyond my hair and my eyebrow piercing and my tattoo, because i'm still me no matter what, and that the officer creed and values are still deeply imbued in me and nothing will compromise that.

“7 hours”