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now you're gone

i'm packing and blasting my footsie playlist on itunes and i'm kinda stuck on now you're gone by basshunter. brings back memories of countless nights at lava and the amazing lights, and cruising up the mountains in wales. haha. i've surprised myself with how little junk i've accumulated over the last two terms. everything fitted nicely into my luggage and didn't require me jumping onto it just to fit every last bit in. so i'm a happy man now, munching down the last of my kit kat chunkies.

everything else is under the water now i guess. yet it's undeniable and almost uncontrollable that your mind replays and recreates scenes it's not witnessed and it's scary and revolting all at the same time. it makes you sick and your skin tingles from the mere thought of it and you go all out to collect pieces of fact and information to fix into this imaginary scene you've spun. and with each piece falling in place, you start picking at the flaws and search for loopholes in the narrative given. it gets more real and the feeling sinks deeper into your stomach and when it gets as true as it can get, you realise that you wanna leave it all behind but because it's become so undeniable and concrete you find it hard to get out of your head and you fight even harder to move ahead. but you will because you're fighting for a happiness and a life so new to you, you'll fight tooth and bone for it. yet at times, you know it will return to haunt your insecurities and mock your gullibility and the only thing you can do then is to resist it with all the sensibility and trust you can muster. sometimes knowing every single detail helps but will you be brave enough to bare it all and share?

it's conflicting that part of me wants to go back home so desperately after being away for 6 months, to see everyone i've left behind. but another part of me is yearning for the holidays to end soon just so i get to see you once again. so i'll wait, as patiently as i can, for as long as i can hold out, for 19th of april. another part of me doesn't know what to expect back home. things have changed since i left and so have people. the awkwardness and the displacement can be intimidating at this point in time, but i'm pretty sure it's me over-worrying. so yes. one more day before my butt's seated comfortably on an a380 headed for singapore. i'm feeling the heat and humidity of home already, not that it's been sunny these days according to friends back home.

so it's goodbye to warwick for 4 weeks. like i've said before, it's a sadder goodbye this term coz everyone's closer now. goodbyes and hugs mean something this time round, and you know an attachment and fondness has developed, amidst all the essays and work. this term's made you much surer of what you want, and who you want. last term was centred more on settling in and getting to know the place and the people. this term's more about furthering these friendships and strengthening the bonds. it was a term of connections and new found surety and certainty. it definitely flew by faster than the first term and ended with an almost unbearable reluctance to let go. so yes. my second term in warwick has come to a close, a summation of never-before experienced joy and friendships that have plumed and cemented itself together. term three's gonna be tense and overwhelming with furious studying for the exams, and once it's over, there's just the summer break to look forward to before yet another academic year starts all over again. i'm graduating in no time at the rate we're going! so yes, warwick's never been better! :)

now you're gone - basshunter (dj alex remix)

“now you're gone”