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back where it all started

school's started and the eurotrip's now become a part of history. life's picking up pace now this term. i'm getting serious about work and starting to pay attention and reading up for seminars. cutting down on partying and saving up money not only to pay for accommodation this term which is a bitch, but for the second eurotrip in spring, as much as i am tempted to go back to singapore since it's a 5 weeks break. house hunting has begun with ming and the rest. life has taken on a much certain and definite tone now. i kinda know what i want out of myself and i'm trying to focus my energies towards achieving it. i'm turning 21 this year and i want it to be a significant year. it's part of the growing up process and maturation phase.

2007 was a year of great change. i still remember the freshness of being a young new 2LT being posted to 36 sce. the awkwardness when meeting the platoon for the first time. that was the first signs of change i guess. assuming an authority and power unbeknownst to you ever, and finally understanding that the lives of so many men were under your charge. and we're talking about men who are so much more experienced than you are - senior specialists who are married with kids, who have been in the field for so many years, some since i was in primary school. it humbles you and sets things in perspective and it makes you work so much harder to gain not only their respect, but at the same time, ensure that you learn as much as you can. to be on the same pedestal can only be achieved through years of experience, but realising that all of you share a common bond and are fighting for the same cause, acknowledging the presence of such an affinity sets you apart from the rest. i dedicated my whole 9 months before i left to the platoon, day in day out, and i choose to believe that i did all that i could for them. i understood what it means to fight for your platoon, and working to integrate them with you.

and there was brunei which up till now, i still consider a landmark event in 2007 for the mere fact it taught me so much about myself, and showed me what i could and could not do. it reaffirmed my belief that i had chosen the right organization and that there was so much out there to explore. i picked up skills on the job in brunei within such a short period of time. borne out of necessity, the human mind was created to adapt quickly to suit his needs and again, i choose to believe that i did what i did to the best of my capabilities, and served the cadets as well as my limitations would allow. knowing that they have commissioned now is comforting and watching them walk down the path so well known to us is a reflection of what life has come to be.

there was the getting over the ex and i remember how empty and desolate it was at the start of the year. i buried myself in work and i stayed there. the hatred is still there. the anger probably. the disgust definitely. but i've since gotten over what i would consider the greatest mistake ever made, and thank her for opening up the world to me. for allowing me to see the world that i missed out and lost when we were together. she's become a mere solitary figure in the far distance, whitewashed and faded, almost an enigma - ironic seeing how i spent 3 better years of my life with her.

and there was the departure from singapore for the uk, a decision which until now, i cannot find reason to fault. life has changed dramatically since i arrived. it's a whole new life being thrown at you and you have to find your way through the thickness of the fog and plant yourself firmly in new soil. it's slowly rooting itself in place, adjusting itself to a new environment, a new climate and new people. i've seen half of europe since i arrived and it was mind-blowing. the richness of history and the texture of the fabric that holds this world together never seemed more inviting. it's almost surreal being here and sometimes i wonder what makes all these real. home seems a distance away, friends seem even further but i know that they'll be there should the need arise. friends made here are starting to grow on me and they provide the closest comfort of home. i'm thankful for having friends here who will trudge over in the cold with comfort food like happy hippoes and innocent smoothies just to plaster the smile back onto my face. and for having friends who will deal with my grumpiness when i tell them to fuck off on msn.

sometimes i just sit in my chair in my room and just look out of the window and watch the clouds pass overhead and trees sway and think to myself that this is life now. this is the life now and will be for the next 3 years. being transplanted to a entirely new world was intimidating initially but growing into it can be very very reassuring. i'm loving my life now as it is and can only look forward to it getting better. home beckons in 6 months and i am determined to return home a different person, a lil more grown up, a lil more resolute, a lil more aware, but still be the ranon i always was.

twenty four hours - athlete



"somewhere along the way, the people we love forgot to love us back"

“back where it all started”

  1. Anonymous J.K. Rowling Says:

    your anger and hatred shows that you haven't gotten over anything nor have you matured at all. get over it. all the hatred stems from anger and frustration. perhaps you could have done something, but you didn't. get over it.