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and i remember

and i remember how there was once when we were back in ocs for the final three weeks leading up to our commissioning parade. there was about 2 weeks left of rehearsals before the day came where we could finally don our one single black bar. and i came back to the bunk from dinner and saw a sms my aunt sent earlier in the morning which i missed. and it read " did you and (x) break up? she's making out with a guy in front of me here in mos". my mind went blank and i was stunned momentarily. it was sent at around 2 in the morning. my throat dried up and i simply stared at the phone. the reply to her was simple, "no".

it was a long and tedious road to uncovering the truth. i sat by the corner staircase in utter solitude, haggling and fishing out info from x over the phone. it was an unpleasant conversation, and there was an inward struggle to find it within me to forgive her. this act of transgression that disregarded whatever we had built up in the last 3 years, and the trust that was built, was disturbing in every aspect. it was a long drawn battle over the phone and it concluded with no resolution.

rehearsals the next day were sombre. my face was emotionless. jun ren could tell and he gave me the privacy i needed and did not probe. i kept to myself and i ambled along like a aimless spirit. booking out that weekend wasn't easy with the prospect of seeing her. for once, i did not look forward to stepping out of the gates of safti. but yet i did, and i rushed home to change and headed off to a club, which one i don't know, with people i cannot rmb. i came back to find her waiting outside my house. i was a coward. i did not want to face her. it felt like i was ashamed, that i was embarassed and that i had committed the crime. i avoided a confrontation, but she broached one. yet she clinged on, and cried and begged for forgiveness and i was relentless and resolute in not acknowledging her presence and "sincerity".

an hour later i caved in, and gave in on the account of our longstanding relationship status. i for one did not want to see what we've built up go down a drain. i accepted her explanation of excessive alcoholic influence, and that she did not know who the guy was and there was no possibility of a premediated arrangement. i saw her off in a cab to avoid further awkward tension. things slowly rebuilt themselves in the week after and she promised to not allow herself to be inebriated without me around.

i commissioned on the ninth of december with her by my side. she felt almost like a stranger. a week later before comms ball, she did it all over again and i became an unknowing witness to the misdemeanour. things went kapoot.

i hate those days when i'm forced to take nostalgic bus rides that force me to think of things like these.

today's one of those days.

“and i remember”

  1. Anonymous Anonymous Says:

    sigh, i think geri deserves to know all these. and you did the right thing to post your thoughts