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live from the esplanade

ok. this is weird. i'm at this cafe/rest room area back stage of the esplanade concert hall waiting for the the event to end before we can stand down and leave. pretty funky with all the sofas and all. it's supposed to be a rest area for the performers but we chanced upon it too. the food looks horribly wrong so i shall stick to self-deluding pepsi light. andre's blogging at the next terminal.

damien rice's canonball is playing in the background. i never really figured out the meaning behind this song. x and i concluded a long time ago that it was a song about someone and his beloved fat woman. but i'm pretty sure it isn't.

ok. i'm going random again. i mean, hello, i've got so much time to kill. i told cass this morning that i wanted to make my blog more introspective. but how do i begin? in fact, i like the way things are. haha. sometimes i think i ask too much of myself.

this year, my birthday wish was to gain wisdom.

i want the wisdom to encompass everything that i go through. be it at work, or even interpersonally. i want to grow wiser when it comes to making judgement calls and decisions in camp. i want to grow wiser when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart. i want the wisdom to think on my feet and to be able to respond with a good enough and convincing rebuttal to any doubt cast upon me. i think i'm shallow.

but with wisdom you need a strong foundation. you need absolute faith and expert knowledge in what you believe in before you can obtain that wisdom. wisdom's a collective of experiences and intellect pieced together, both dependant and absolute. it cannot be either or. it has to be both. i need that wisdom pronto. perhaps with age you gain it. and that is what i'll look forward to in the years to come.

uni days will hopefully put things in perspective. yet, the enormity of the fact that i'll be alone in uk for three years looms eerily over my head. it's a gargantuan undertaking and no one knows what is in store. it's like i'm running forward head first towards a wall that may, or may not, be there. what happens when i crash into it? how do i continue with a broken skull and this sense of loss. so i will stumble on, groggy and disillusioned and persist. will i get to the end, happy? i know at least there will be a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction knowing i got through the journey and the crash and reached what i had initially set out for. thus, i will fight on. i will push ahead and get to my final destination.

wisdom needs me now.

“live from the esplanade”