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bored. and thinking.

i'm in camp, sitting in front of a computer, writing my life away while i wait for the right time to get up, bathe and change before heading to mambo. my body's failing me. literally. i feel it crumbling away. all the running and walking and climbing of stairs. aching. my back, my neck, my legs.

i think in life, you go by unappreciated, unnoticed by people who matter to you. you may try your hardest to connect but most attempts fail. hapless, you trudge on, knowing that that's the only thing that keeps you sane, and awake in this crazy crazy world of solitary strangers. slowly, silently struggling with the masked unknown.

i thought of 3 very funny things on the way back to camp last night.

number 1. there was this beer sale promotion at some shady coffee shop near simei. the banner read "before, 3 bottles for $15. now $14.50". WOW. i say again. WOW.

number 2. i suddenly thought "why don't people wear saris and club?"

number 3. i had a vision. people in saris drinking $14.50 beer and dancing. in a club. sweating the hell out of themselves. (i wanna be there when it happens)

randomness. what's wrong with me?

and i caught priceless yesterday with qian. it was good. romantic not in the sappy "i-love-you-till-death-don't-leave-me-for-another-woman-don't-die-on-me" kinda way. a naughty and hilarious take on love, life and humour. life as a toy boy rocks. i mean he got a scooter. and a 30,000 euro watch. that would pay for my accommodation in uk ya know. haha. love teases and plays. and audrey tautou pulls off every single dress she wore in it. and she glamourises smoking in that not-so-sleazy lounge way. sexy.

hinder's better than me is stuck in my head.

I think you can do much better than me
after all the lies i made you believe
guilt kicks in and i start to see
the edge of the bed
where your nightgown used to be
i told myself i wouldn't miss you
but i remembered
what it feels like beside you
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

while looking through your old box of notes
i found those pictures
that you were looking for
if there's one memory i don't want to lose
that time at the mall
you and me in the dressing room
i told myself i won't miss you
but i remembered
what it feels like beside you
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me

the bed i'm lying in is getting colder
wish i never would've said it's over
and i can't pretend that i won't think about you when i'm older
cause we never really had our closure

this can't be the end
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me
i really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes
and i think you should know this
you deserve much better than me
(and i think you should know this)
(you deserve much better than me)


we never really had our closure. i've done things to disappoint you, things i'm not proud of. but i didn't deserve what you threw at me. i hate you.

“bored. and thinking.”